Notice 0417Posted by Facilities, Floor 4. Laminated.
Nobody knows what it does. Everything depends on it.
$DNU is the token issued by a beige computer in a supply closet. It started on its own, on Robinhood Chain, through Pons. We have been advised to leave it alone, and to tell you the same.
Days since it was last unplugged
--:--:--and counting
Previous record: 3,900 days. Ended by a vacuum cleaner.
Contract addressRobinhood Chain
0xf1acbe6…abeb39b40xf1acbe677e9ceb2b01bbd87f7f1782f8abeb39b4Depends on it
- Elevator B
- Regional payroll
- The third-floor printer
- A vending machine
- 41,203 calendars
- Somebody's thesis
- The wifi called linksys
- Most of the badge readers
- A spreadsheet named FINAL_v7
- The lights on parking level 2
- One traffic signal
- This website
IR-001Incident report
It was unplugged once. For four seconds.
On 11 March 2009 a contractor signed in as “IT (temp)” carried a beige tower into Closet 4B, plugged it into Outlet 3 and left. The badge was deactivated that afternoon. A yellow note appeared on the machine some time later. Nobody remembers writing it.
Ten years on, the night cleaning shift needed the outlet. What follows is the complete record. It is also the only documentation.
- Report no.
- IR-001
- Filed
- 14 Nov 2019, 02:51
- Location
- Closet 4B, Outlet 3
- Duration
- 4.0 seconds
- Cause
- Reported by
- Witnesses
- None awake
- Corrective action
- A note. It was already there.
Status
ClosedDo not reopen
The four seconds
This replay is four seconds long. So was the incident.
+0.0 s
Plug removed from Outlet 3. Vacuum cleaner plugged in.
+0.6 s
Elevator B stops between floors 3 and 4. It is not in this building.
+1.3 s
Regional payroll runs twice. Nobody complains.
+2.1 s
41,203 calendar invitations go out. Subject: “Sync”. No location.
+2.8 s
Every printer on the floor prints one page. The page says “ok”.
+3.4 s
A vending machine on floor 2 dispenses everything.
+4.0 s
Plug restored. The vacuum cleaner is not seen again.
MON-24Monitoring
Running.
Facilities monitors the Box from a respectful distance. These are the readings. We do not know what most of them mean.
| PID | Process | CPU % | Since | Note |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | initStarted by IT (temp). | 0.1 | 2009 | Started by IT (temp). |
| 417 | payroll_final_v2_REAL.batRegional. | 12.4 | 2011 | Regional. |
| 902 | elevator_b.sysNot our elevator. | 3.3 | 2009 | Not our elevator. |
| 1203 | keep_lights_on.cronParking level 2. | 1.0 | 2014 | Parking level 2. |
| 2048 | do_not_delete.exeNobody has tried. | 48.7 | 2009 | Nobody has tried. |
| 3311 | tmp_fix_remove_laterLater has not arrived. | 9.9 | 2012 | Later has not arrived. |
| 4096 | sync_calendarsDormant. Leave it. | 0.0 | 2019 | Dormant. Leave it. |
| 8192 | issue_token.dnuUnrequested. | 22.0 | New | Unrequested. |
Last inspected: never.Next inspection: also never.
Reading sheet, taken weekly from the doorway
Known dependents
1,204
Confirmed. The real number is larger.
People who understand it
0
Down from an estimated one.
Pages of documentation
1
It is the note.
Times unplugged
1
See IR-001.
POL-001Standing policy
Five clauses. None have been revised.
Nothing has changed, because nobody touched anything. That is the policy working.
§1
It works. Do not ask how.
Asking is how the vacuum happened.
§2
Utility is not zero. Utility is unknown. Those are different numbers.
Finance disagrees. Finance also depends on it.
§3
Nobody is in charge. This is the security model.
There is no key person. There is no key.
§4
There is no roadmap. The Box does not go anywhere.
Planned: nothing. Delivered: on schedule.
§5
If you can hear the fan, you are standing too close.
Step back. Thank you.
REG-DRegister of dependents
You depend on it too. You just found out.
The register lists what Facilities has confirmed. It is not complete. Holding $DNU adds you to it as a custodian: someone who watches the closet and keeps their hands to themselves.
| Ref | Dependent | Since | If unplugged |
|---|---|---|---|
| D-0001 | Elevator BStops. Location unconfirmed. | 2009 | Stops. Location unconfirmed. |
| D-0002 | Payroll, regionalRuns twice. | 2011 | Runs twice. |
| D-0014 | The third-floor printerPrints “ok”. Once. | 2013 | Prints “ok”. Once. |
| D-0057 | A vending machineDispenses everything. | 2015 | Dispenses everything. |
| D-0203 | 41,203 calendarsEveryone is invited to “Sync”. | 2019 | Everyone is invited to “Sync”. |
| D-0611 | This websiteYou would not be reading this. | 2026 | You would not be reading this. |
| D-1205 | YouPending. See the procedure below. | Today | Pending. See the procedure below. |
Access request
cleaning_shift would like to use Outlet 3 for a vacuum cleaner.
Requested duration: four seconds. “It'll be fine.”
Requests denied this session: 0
TTY-1Guest terminal
Guest access is read‑only. Mostly.
Somebody left a session open on the Box. You can look. Type help, or tap a command.
closet-4b login: guest
Last login: 14 Nov 2019 02:47 from vacuum
Welcome. Touch nothing. Type 'help'.
$ status
._________. |[_______]| |[_______]| | o o | | [===] | | (o) | | ----- | |_________| status: RUNNING
SPEC-1Rating plate
Technical specifications, as far as anyone can tell.
Copied from the plate on the back of the machine. The numbers are final. So are the warnings.
Readings taken elsewhere
- BuyPons
- ChartDexscreener. Not connected yet.
- PoolUniswap, after graduation. Not connected yet.
- ContractBlockscout
Do Not Unplug
Model DNU-1
- Name
- Do Not Unplug
- Ticker
- $DNU
- Network
- Robinhood Chain
- Launchpad
- Pons
- Total output
- 1,000,000,000
- Trading fee
- 1%
- Liquidity
- Locked at graduation
- Status
- Live
- Utility
- Unknown
Serial no. (contract address)Robinhood Chain
0xf1acbe6…abeb39b40xf1acbe677e9ceb2b01bbd87f7f1782f8abeb39b4- Do not unplug
- No serviceable parts
- Closet use only
- Do not ask
Input: 100–240 V, Outlet 3 only. Caution: no user-serviceable parts inside. No user-serviceable utility either. The trading fee is applied by Pons on every trade. Assembled in Closet 4B by a person we cannot reach.
PROC-004Procedure
How to get $DNU without touching anything.
Four steps. Tick them off as you go. Nobody is checking.
0 of 4 complete
Get an EVM wallet
MetaMask or any EVM wallet will do. Add Robinhood Chain, chain ID 4663. Write the recovery phrase on paper. Not on a sticky note. Ours is taken.
Requires: a phone or a browser
Bridge ETH to Robinhood Chain
Gas on Robinhood Chain is paid in ETH. Bridge enough for the purchase and the fees. The official bridge takes about ten minutes on the way in.
Requires: ETH
Buy $DNU on Pons
Open the $DNU page on Pons and check its contract address against this page before you buy. Names are not unique there. Addresses are.
Requires: the contract address
Leave it alone
Close the tab. Do not check on it every four seconds. That number has a history here.
Requires: restraint
Contract addressRobinhood Chain
0xf1acbe6…abeb39b40xf1acbe677e9ceb2b01bbd87f7f1782f8abeb39b4HR-0Staffing
The night shiftis hiring.
No experience. No interview. No shift. Custodians watch the closet, report what they see and keep their hands to themselves.
Custodians on duty: nobody has counted.dnu.